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Some More Things the Bible Says about Marriage
Last week, in an overview article, we noted some things the Bible says about marriage. There is so much more. In addition to defining the relationship itself and our specific roles in it, the Bible is also a wealth of information about how to conduct ourselves in marriage. Every verse that talks about how we are to behave—to think, act, and speak— is a marriage verse. We just need to make that application. Let’s try it together with a paragraph from Ephesians chapter four.
“Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another” (v. 25). Marriage requires complete honesty. Two can’t become one when they can’t trust each other, and nothing destroys trust like being caught in a lie. Always tell the truth. Don’t say or do anything you wouldn’t want your spouse to know about. Don’t deceive and don’t hide.
“Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity” (vv. 26-27). Yes, you are going to get aggravated with each other at times, even angry. What then? Don’t blow up: that is sinful. Don’t clam up: that is sinful too. Exercise some self-control and address the problem together. While a cooling off period may be in order, this passage urges quick resolve. Waiting allows the problem to fester and grow into deeper bitterness. It invites other problems to join in. Reconciliation, not separation, is the Biblical approach to solving marriage problems.
“He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need” (v. 28). How can this verse possibly have anything to do with marriage? It’s simple: the heart of the issue addressed in this verse is selfishness, the same selfishness that is at the heart of most marriage squabbles about money. Husbands and wives often have different financial outlooks and priorities. As long as it’s all about my viewpoint, we’ll have problems. When I learn to sacrifice, we’ll do much better.
“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear” (v. 29). Zip your lip! Don’t say whatever pops into your head. Leave off the profanity, obviously; also the angry rants, the insults, and the exaggerated accusations (“Why are you always so. . .”). Edification means building up. Grace means favor. Say things that encourage and promote goodwill, not those that hurt and tear down. And when you are having a disagreement, focus on “the need of the moment,” not extraneous issues that only make resolution more difficult.
“Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption” (v. 30). Remember, you’re a Christian! You need to act like it at home, at work, and everywhere else you are, as well as at church.
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice” (v. 31). These things seem to have taken over some elements of our society these days. They arise from dwelling on negatives too much. No one is perfect; your spouse isn’t, and neither are you. Choose to focus on what is good (Philippians 4:8).
“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (v. 32). You need forgiveness, and that means you need to learn how to forgive. Put past mistakes in the past. Don’t keep bringing them up. Be as understanding with your spouse as you want your spouse (and the Lord!) to be with you.
You can keep going into chapter five. There, Paul includes some major challenges to marital happiness: lust, fornication, and drunkenness. As you learn this simple process of making marriage applications of Bible principles, you will find the Bible to be a virtually endless stream of wise counsel. Of course it is: its author is the one who gave us marriage.
